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59 "Fun" and "Definitely Legal" Family Reunion Activities

My in-laws recently proposed a family reunion in Greensboro, North Carolina, and one of the siblings suggested that everyone volunteer ideas for fun family activities. Some of these thoughts included basketball, an iron chef competition, and a speed tournament (the card game, not the drug). These were my wife's and my contributions.

  • Games and Competitions - Test your skills and enjoy some friendly competition with your family
    • Speed tournament (the drug, not the card game)
    • Life size chess game vs another family (to the death)
    • Crossdressing competition
    • Scrabble (Klingon version)
    • Host hunger games using neighborhood children (the event, not the movie)
    • Play chicken with rental cars
    • Play chicken with real chickens
    • Hold your breath underwater competition
    • Play soccer with bowling ball (steel toed shoes not provided)
    • Strip paintball
    • Hitchhike in a ski mask holding an axe (first one to Canada wins)
    • Contest of who can get banned from Facebook first
    • Beard-off
    • Sell furniture and appliances from vacation home on Craigslist. First to $5000 wins.
  • Out and About - Enjoy these wholesome tourist activities and attractions in scenic Greensboro
    • Get matching neck tattoos
    • Bungee jumping (bring your own bungees)
    • Execute perfect crime (heist, murder, or similar). Frame a member of your family.
    • Feed ducks nyquil. Release nyquil drugged ducks into public pool
    • Go door to door asking if anyone's seen your lost pet grizzly bear
    • Rent a van. Ask adults if they want candy. Have actual candy if they say yes.
    • Bury treasure (someone else's)
    • Find your local church. Bear testimony of Warren Jeffs.  
    • Donate blood. As you're leaving, loudly express your relief that they didn't ask if you had syphilis
    • Visit the aquarium. Find a security guard, menu in hand, and put in your dinner order (eg lobster, crab, dolphin).  
    • Visit the aquarium in swimsuits, holding towels and fun noodles
    • Go rock climbing. Lie facedown at bottom of highest wall, moaning occasionally.
    • Perform CPR on someone sunbathing next to a pool. Do. Not. Stop. They could be dead.
    • Go to zoo. Ask zookeeper detailed questions about locks on cages, or about the flavor of different animals meat. Are they looking to sell?
    • Go to the pool. Bring a shark. Scream “shark” and run away.
    • Go to the zoo wearing bright orange hunting gear. Bring a long, thin bag, and say it contains a tripod if questioned.
    • Go to a local restaurant and ask if you can bring your seeing eye dog. Carry on a conversation with the dog about the waiter/host/etc. (in the style of Han Solo & Chewbacca) "Rufus, that's extremely rude. He isn't that ugly"
    • Go to any tourist attraction. Nervously ask if bathrooms are included in the price of admission.
    • Get other tourists to play musical chairs; never stop music. If they complain, tell them that a bomb will explode if the music stops or if they stop playing. Detonate the bomb if needed.  
    • Dress up one of your family members as a celebrity. Everyone else should act like adoring fans/paparazzi. See if you can get other tourists to ask for autographs.  
    • Start a wildfire. Tell someone else that only they could have prevented it.  
    • Go to an amusement park. Loudly ask people waiting in line if anyone there speaks Vulcan. Look sad when no one responds. Cry.
    • Go to a bank dressed as a robber. Slide a note to the teller that says “Have a nice day!”
    • Go to church and ask to be baptized. Express disappointment that baptismal font is filled with water instead of blood.
  • At Home - Try these fun family activities from the comfort of your living room!
    • Shoot apples off each other's heads w/ bows and arrows
    • Teach the kids swear words (multiple languages encouraged)
    • Paint vacation home hot hot pink.
    • Replicate pranks from The Office
    • Form exploratory committee to choose new presidential nominee(s)
    • Halfway through the trip, call the car rental agency and ask if they're insured for water damage. When they ask about the type of damage, suggest that the car may or may not be at the bottom of a lake.
    • Learn to play bagpipes.
    • Call the rental home owner and ask where the toilet paper is. Repeat at least daily.
    • Do a pain-threshold index test on everyone. Just for fun.
    • Re-rent vacation home online. Sleep in backyard. Howl at the moon while sleeping in backyard. Scare off the guests. Keep their deposit. Repeat as needed.
    • Leave a message written in blood (fake is okay if necessary) on the rental home floor when you check out
    • Every few hours, tell your neighbors to stop playing the drums so loudly. Twitch as much as possible.
    • Recruit volunteers from the local ward to help you move. Move all the furnishings out of the rental home. Call the police and get the whole ward sent to jail for assisted burglary.
    • Build a snowman using a snow cone machine. Eat snowman.
    • Train wild animals for beauty pageant (No mooses please. Not again.)
    • Secede from Union
    • Kidney swap
    • Insist that Dad wear Chewbacca costume in family photos
    • Declare war on Poland
    • Binge watch all 12 seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians
  • Misc
    • Sew traditional Amish clothing. Wear traditional Amish clothing. Become Amish.

 To read more of Riley's work, click here.


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